So, after a low first E2 level two days later they are nicely on the rise, just needed a little time to get a kick start I guess. Going in for a scan tomorrow morning to see how many follies we have growing and will have another blood test tomorrow as well.
Things are looking good so far then, but I am still trying to remain realistic.. actually lets be honest, I am trying to tell myself in my head that it isn't going to work and in my heart hope that I will be pleasantly surprised. I'm a bit backwards like that. While I totally buy into the positive thinking thing, I am also a big fan of self preservation, so a little bit of both and I'm away.
I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable today, which I am also hoping is a good sign.. maybe it means that I am growing gazillions of follicles. So not looking forward to going to work tonight, the joys of doing an extremely physical job with swollen ovaries.
Yay me!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Avert your eyes...
Ok, a bit of pre warning, this post is going to be kinda soft. People who know me know that I am not soft, not big on emotions and I am not a hugger. But I think these drugs are messing with me so here goes.
This post is all about the Mr. himself.
In the lead up to IVF we were building a house and the Mr. got a big promotion and so he has been 100% focussed on all that. He somehow managed to put IVF on the back burner, as there really was nothing to do until we started, and concentrate on the other things going on. Of course I was totally unable to do this and was all over the place. Now my initial concern was that this was going to carry on and IVF become another task on the list. However, he has been amazing. He has been speaking to the FS nurse and asking all kinds of questions that I would have completely forgotten or not even thought about. He's great with my medications and checks on how I am feeling while I am at work. He has been totally awesome. I have been feeling really rough with these terrible headaches and lately I am so tired that the thought of getting out bed makes me want to cry. He hasn't complained once, he has been so great with me being grumpy and tired and has listened to all of my whinging.
So here's to the Mr. who I love and who has been great so far in this IVF cycle. Thanks babe.
This post is all about the Mr. himself.
In the lead up to IVF we were building a house and the Mr. got a big promotion and so he has been 100% focussed on all that. He somehow managed to put IVF on the back burner, as there really was nothing to do until we started, and concentrate on the other things going on. Of course I was totally unable to do this and was all over the place. Now my initial concern was that this was going to carry on and IVF become another task on the list. However, he has been amazing. He has been speaking to the FS nurse and asking all kinds of questions that I would have completely forgotten or not even thought about. He's great with my medications and checks on how I am feeling while I am at work. He has been totally awesome. I have been feeling really rough with these terrible headaches and lately I am so tired that the thought of getting out bed makes me want to cry. He hasn't complained once, he has been so great with me being grumpy and tired and has listened to all of my whinging.
So here's to the Mr. who I love and who has been great so far in this IVF cycle. Thanks babe.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Waiting.
I hate waiting. I mean proper HATE, I now know the true meaning of the word. Had blood test this morning, went to the lab at 0730 when they were opening. There were 20 other people waiting in line to get bloods taken. WTF?!? Anyway, I am now waiting for the phone call from my FS nurse to tell me if and how I am responding to the gonal f. Today I find out if I am a non responder, an over responder or what and man am I nervous!
I have to go back to work this afternoon, I am really hoping she calls before then so if the news isn't great I have some time to get myself together before I start work.
So I have a couple of hours to try and fill. I am going to use mindless television and fridge browsing.
I have to go back to work this afternoon, I am really hoping she calls before then so if the news isn't great I have some time to get myself together before I start work.
So I have a couple of hours to try and fill. I am going to use mindless television and fridge browsing.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Not superwoman after all
So, it turns out, much to my horror that I cannot in fact, do everything.
Now I know this may not shock all you seasoned professionals the way it has shocked me, but you simply can't have a normal life during a cycle of IVF. Don't get me wrong, I never expected to be able to have a totally normal life I mean egg collection and transfer and all that stuff, result days and the big 2ww. However I did expect that the initial stage of injections and things would be a relatively normal existence, just with needles a few times a day. WRONG! Instead I have headaches, lethargy and just general blahness... yes I know it's not a real word but it's the right word damn it.
Now I find myself leaving concerts and gatherings because the bass makes my head want to explode (nana much?!?) and I feel like general arse. The Mr. let his hair down yesterday as we went to our annual sandbank party, which on a side note is a truly epic experience, and he had a right merry time. I tried to hold out as long as I possibly could before pulling the plug so to speak but by 11pm I was dead on my feet with a headache to rival all headaches and off home we went. Today I am as useless as all hell and just want to sleep sleep sleep. But of course I can't.
I have injected myself in the car on the way to a concert, and at the beach (don't worry, no one could see me) I have tried to live as normally as possible up to this point, but as I realise that this simply isn't working and my headaches get worse and my stomach starts to feel uncomfortable I have decided that a very quiet existence for the next wee while sounds like the way to go. I am going to have to inject at work every night for the next week, which in a busy emergency department already has me stressing about missing times etc, and thats about as exciting as I want it for now thank you very much.
So, to summarise. I am not superwoman, these drugs are not nice, and a normal life I do not have.
Now I know this may not shock all you seasoned professionals the way it has shocked me, but you simply can't have a normal life during a cycle of IVF. Don't get me wrong, I never expected to be able to have a totally normal life I mean egg collection and transfer and all that stuff, result days and the big 2ww. However I did expect that the initial stage of injections and things would be a relatively normal existence, just with needles a few times a day. WRONG! Instead I have headaches, lethargy and just general blahness... yes I know it's not a real word but it's the right word damn it.
Now I find myself leaving concerts and gatherings because the bass makes my head want to explode (nana much?!?) and I feel like general arse. The Mr. let his hair down yesterday as we went to our annual sandbank party, which on a side note is a truly epic experience, and he had a right merry time. I tried to hold out as long as I possibly could before pulling the plug so to speak but by 11pm I was dead on my feet with a headache to rival all headaches and off home we went. Today I am as useless as all hell and just want to sleep sleep sleep. But of course I can't.
I have injected myself in the car on the way to a concert, and at the beach (don't worry, no one could see me) I have tried to live as normally as possible up to this point, but as I realise that this simply isn't working and my headaches get worse and my stomach starts to feel uncomfortable I have decided that a very quiet existence for the next wee while sounds like the way to go. I am going to have to inject at work every night for the next week, which in a busy emergency department already has me stressing about missing times etc, and thats about as exciting as I want it for now thank you very much.
So, to summarise. I am not superwoman, these drugs are not nice, and a normal life I do not have.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
What a headache
Ick. Literally, the Buserelin has made me get the worst headaches ever! Not just little, i'll pop a couple paracetamol and drink some water kind of headache either. They are more like help me I can't see, think, breath kind of headaches.
To make things more complicated the Mr. has arranged for us to go to a Fat Freddy's gig tonight out at the beach, which will be awesome as they are brilliant live, but terrible because the sound of the cat breathing sets me off at the moment.
Gee, work on monday is going to be fun, yelling abusive patients and screaming babies *eek*
To make things more complicated the Mr. has arranged for us to go to a Fat Freddy's gig tonight out at the beach, which will be awesome as they are brilliant live, but terrible because the sound of the cat breathing sets me off at the moment.
Gee, work on monday is going to be fun, yelling abusive patients and screaming babies *eek*
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Onwards and Upwards
I have just had my 2nd injection for the day, today being day one of Buserelin, the Mr. has done them both for me... the first one this morning he was nervous and obviously wary, but by this evening when it was time for the next one he was all keen and smiling. To be honest I think he may have enjoyed it a little too much.
He has also done his research on how women undergoing IVF treatment get what he calls "the crazy" and so everytime I speak he is busy telling me to calm down and that no one needs to get hurt. At this early stage I can't help but laugh at him, but no doubt that will get real old, real quick.
How do I feel? To be honest I don't know. I feel excited for finally taking the next step forward and then in the same breath I am scolding myself for just that. I feel nervous at what might happen. I hate not knowing things, I am always one step ahead (even though the Mr. thinks he is) so having no control at all, other than my 3 alarms set to make sure I don't forget when its time for the next jab (we both nearly forgot the last one... eek!) is making me feel like a bundle of nerves. Not the good kind.
It truly amazes me as I read other blogs like mine, yes I read them all, just not much of a comment leaver, how many couples and women are going through this as well. We all feel so alone in these struggles, often even isolated from the one person we are going through all this with, and yet there are so much of us doing it. It amazes me at how perpetually optimistic, strong, supportive, and amazing all of these people are who are going through this, some might say roller coaster but I personally like roller coasters and I don't like this so I am going to say torture. Yes I might be slightly emotional because things are happening and I am obviously all mixed up about it but I wanted to make sure that I recognized the others out there who are going through this along with me.
May 2011 be THE year!
He has also done his research on how women undergoing IVF treatment get what he calls "the crazy" and so everytime I speak he is busy telling me to calm down and that no one needs to get hurt. At this early stage I can't help but laugh at him, but no doubt that will get real old, real quick.
How do I feel? To be honest I don't know. I feel excited for finally taking the next step forward and then in the same breath I am scolding myself for just that. I feel nervous at what might happen. I hate not knowing things, I am always one step ahead (even though the Mr. thinks he is) so having no control at all, other than my 3 alarms set to make sure I don't forget when its time for the next jab (we both nearly forgot the last one... eek!) is making me feel like a bundle of nerves. Not the good kind.
It truly amazes me as I read other blogs like mine, yes I read them all, just not much of a comment leaver, how many couples and women are going through this as well. We all feel so alone in these struggles, often even isolated from the one person we are going through all this with, and yet there are so much of us doing it. It amazes me at how perpetually optimistic, strong, supportive, and amazing all of these people are who are going through this, some might say roller coaster but I personally like roller coasters and I don't like this so I am going to say torture. Yes I might be slightly emotional because things are happening and I am obviously all mixed up about it but I wanted to make sure that I recognized the others out there who are going through this along with me.
May 2011 be THE year!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Later 2010, Don't let the door hit ya...
I am so so glad to see the arse end of 2010. Its has been one of the longest, most frustrating years ever, and very reminiscent of a rickety old carnival ride that I want off! So ciao 2010, good riddance. Hello 2011, you better be my damn year!!
We moved into our brand spanking new house last week, hence the radio silence. It is very nice, filled with boxes, and I don't know where anything is that I own, but very nice all the same. There is something very strange about being in a brand new house. Every time I open a closet I can smell fresh paint and the walls are all sooooo clean that I am too scared to touch them. The Mr. is a bit of a perfectionist and notices everything, so I kinda feel like I should be walking around with my hands in my pockets all the time. It feels like we are living in a desert at the moment because we have no grass, just pale, hard, dry dust (try keeping that off the walls!) now I can't grow weeds, so how I am meant to grow grass is beyond me especially up here in the north where we have been facing water restrictions and possible/probable drought. In saying that though we have had a bit of rain lately, but all it takes is a day like today and our land is back to scorched earth again.
The day after we moved (which would have been xmas day) some little bastards broke into the garage at our old house and stole all of the Mr's tools, all of our fishing and diving gear and my snowboarding gear. It was a real nice end to a real shit year basically. So now we are going to have to do the run around getting quotes on everything for insurance.
Being on holiday from work is nice, even though I have spent the whole time working either here or cleaning up and moving from the old rental. I was starting to get very very detached from my job, which is not a good thing working in an environment like the emergency department. It doesn't help that I seem to get all the miscarriages, ectopics, babies having babies, and pre term births etc when I am on. Also we had a bad run in the lead up to and on Christmas, we were very busy and there were some sad sad days. Nature of the beast and all that but man did I need a holiday! Still have one week of holiday left to go which is fantastic. Hopefully I get my fighting spirit back again before going back to work.
I had a couple of little drinks over the xmas/new years period. not many, I could literally count them on one hand. But it was great, I didn't have any Bacardi though for fear of not being able to put the bottle away again, unless it counts when it is empty ;) But now it is back on the tea total (not real tea mind, caffeine and all that) and trying to watch what I eat blah blah blah.
Not so easy to do when there is a fridge full of Christmas basket chocolates.
We moved into our brand spanking new house last week, hence the radio silence. It is very nice, filled with boxes, and I don't know where anything is that I own, but very nice all the same. There is something very strange about being in a brand new house. Every time I open a closet I can smell fresh paint and the walls are all sooooo clean that I am too scared to touch them. The Mr. is a bit of a perfectionist and notices everything, so I kinda feel like I should be walking around with my hands in my pockets all the time. It feels like we are living in a desert at the moment because we have no grass, just pale, hard, dry dust (try keeping that off the walls!) now I can't grow weeds, so how I am meant to grow grass is beyond me especially up here in the north where we have been facing water restrictions and possible/probable drought. In saying that though we have had a bit of rain lately, but all it takes is a day like today and our land is back to scorched earth again.
The day after we moved (which would have been xmas day) some little bastards broke into the garage at our old house and stole all of the Mr's tools, all of our fishing and diving gear and my snowboarding gear. It was a real nice end to a real shit year basically. So now we are going to have to do the run around getting quotes on everything for insurance.
Being on holiday from work is nice, even though I have spent the whole time working either here or cleaning up and moving from the old rental. I was starting to get very very detached from my job, which is not a good thing working in an environment like the emergency department. It doesn't help that I seem to get all the miscarriages, ectopics, babies having babies, and pre term births etc when I am on. Also we had a bad run in the lead up to and on Christmas, we were very busy and there were some sad sad days. Nature of the beast and all that but man did I need a holiday! Still have one week of holiday left to go which is fantastic. Hopefully I get my fighting spirit back again before going back to work.
I had a couple of little drinks over the xmas/new years period. not many, I could literally count them on one hand. But it was great, I didn't have any Bacardi though for fear of not being able to put the bottle away again, unless it counts when it is empty ;) But now it is back on the tea total (not real tea mind, caffeine and all that) and trying to watch what I eat blah blah blah.
Not so easy to do when there is a fridge full of Christmas basket chocolates.
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