This isn't really a post about my stupid infertility, or our crappy IVF journey... its a post about my "screw you IVF" party we are having THIS WEEKEND! arghhh it really snuck up on us.
As I said in an earlier post we are having a mad hatters tea party. Costumes are pretty much all sorted just need a few more finishing touches. Have a smoke machine sorted and the Mr is cutting out a whole lot of giant mushrooms and a giant caterpillar from wood for me to paint up. I have now got the most ridiculously large collection of tea cups and saucers and a fair whack of tea pots as well.
But my real conundrum is what food to make and serve?!?! obviously scones are a must but if its going to be a boozy party I need more savory finger foods.... so now I'm stuck....
help?
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Starting Now.... no wait... Now!
Man have I been useless with this caffeine thing, proper useless! Doesn't help that I ran out of caffeine free tea bags the other day and hadn't gotten around to buying more (because of the sheer daylight robbery price of them!) so I have just been drinking normal tea. The other day at work on a particularly horrid shift I even bought a bottle of coke! *cringe*
So I have been to the supermarket and have my gold coated (I make this assumption based on price per gram) caffeine free tea bags and will begin my caffeine free life all over again. *sigh*
I swear if there was a cigarette anywhere near me recently I would be jumping back on that bandwagon as well!
So I have been to the supermarket and have my gold coated (I make this assumption based on price per gram) caffeine free tea bags and will begin my caffeine free life all over again. *sigh*
I swear if there was a cigarette anywhere near me recently I would be jumping back on that bandwagon as well!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Just not feeling it
This time last cycle I was 100% dedicated to the no caffeine, booze, healthy eating, multivitamin regime that happens in the lead up to IVF. Back then it was exciting to be doing something, exciting that it was nearly time to start injections and get everything started. This time round I not only lack motivation, and enthusiasm. But I also seem to be lacking the ability to give a fuck. Yeah I know, crass and unladylike, but thats just how I am feeling at the moment. Of course I am still not drinking caffeine or booze, I haven't been overly reliable with the multivits though.... ooops, my bad.
To be honest, I don't want to do it again. I don't want the blinding headaches from the buserelin. Nor do I want the pain that comes later with the Gonal F or the sheer torture of the egg collection blood test days and the 2ww. I will do it again, but I really don't want to.
There is another reason for me not wanting to do this next cycle of IVF, If the same thing happens that did in the last cycle (great egg and embryo numbers just for them all to die off) then we have to face facts that its probably my eggs and go down the egg donor route. This terrifies me more than all the drug side effects in the world and is not something I am ready to face up to in a hurry.
So that is where my head is at right now, not the funnest place in the world to be.. I advise Disneyland over this place any day!
To be honest, I don't want to do it again. I don't want the blinding headaches from the buserelin. Nor do I want the pain that comes later with the Gonal F or the sheer torture of the egg collection blood test days and the 2ww. I will do it again, but I really don't want to.
There is another reason for me not wanting to do this next cycle of IVF, If the same thing happens that did in the last cycle (great egg and embryo numbers just for them all to die off) then we have to face facts that its probably my eggs and go down the egg donor route. This terrifies me more than all the drug side effects in the world and is not something I am ready to face up to in a hurry.
So that is where my head is at right now, not the funnest place in the world to be.. I advise Disneyland over this place any day!
Monday, May 23, 2011
Starting again
So this week I am kicking of the no caffeine, alcohol, crappy food.... pretty much all the things I rely on to get through the day. Last time The Mr. also gave up the booze but that was it. This time around, due to the not so great head space I am in about this cycle, he is also going to give up the caffeine. There is something about knowing you are not suffering alone that makes a girl feel a little better.
Last time around there was a feeling of almost excitement at this stage because we were finally doing something other than waiting. This time it just ups my anxiety about the whole thing. How do I get excited about going through one of the worst, most painful and disappointing experiences of my life all over again?
Well its not hard to see that I'm not in the most positive of moods at the moment lol
Last time around there was a feeling of almost excitement at this stage because we were finally doing something other than waiting. This time it just ups my anxiety about the whole thing. How do I get excited about going through one of the worst, most painful and disappointing experiences of my life all over again?
Well its not hard to see that I'm not in the most positive of moods at the moment lol
Monday, May 16, 2011
ARGHHHHH
True to form with my life at the moment I have been unable to post anything on my blog for the last week, for some reason it just has not been working for me. Urghh, typical lol
I am in a storm of pregnancy announcements at the moment, surrounded by baby showers at work and a ridiculous amount of pregnant patients as well. I have an associate who is pregnant and skiting about how much booze she can still keep down (I did not deal with that one very well, but screw it.. we should be allowed to use colourful language every now and then) so, as you can see its a pretty shit time around here.. how am I dealing with it? easy,
I'm throwing a massive party.
Not your traditional IVF/IF coping strategy granted, but its giving me something fun to do and look forward to and its also a good way of saying thanks to those close to us who have been there for us through all this crap. The theme of said party? lol I am throwing a tea party, I am embracing the very weak grasp I have on my sanity and channeling my inner Mad Hatter. I love a good dress up party. So that is what I am doing with my time at the moment. To be honest it feels good to channel my attention onto something fun and different.
So thats what I am doing with my time at the moment, I am trying not to bring too much work stuff 'home' with me and just letting go of the small stuff...
I'll let you know how we get on with that
I am in a storm of pregnancy announcements at the moment, surrounded by baby showers at work and a ridiculous amount of pregnant patients as well. I have an associate who is pregnant and skiting about how much booze she can still keep down (I did not deal with that one very well, but screw it.. we should be allowed to use colourful language every now and then) so, as you can see its a pretty shit time around here.. how am I dealing with it? easy,
I'm throwing a massive party.
Not your traditional IVF/IF coping strategy granted, but its giving me something fun to do and look forward to and its also a good way of saying thanks to those close to us who have been there for us through all this crap. The theme of said party? lol I am throwing a tea party, I am embracing the very weak grasp I have on my sanity and channeling my inner Mad Hatter. I love a good dress up party. So that is what I am doing with my time at the moment. To be honest it feels good to channel my attention onto something fun and different.
So thats what I am doing with my time at the moment, I am trying not to bring too much work stuff 'home' with me and just letting go of the small stuff...
I'll let you know how we get on with that
Monday, May 2, 2011
Everyone but me
Trying not to be bitter recently but I am finding it very hard, surrounded by pregnancy at every turn.. surrounded by babies and doting parents. urghh my stomach is turning just thinking about it.
What brought all this on? For starters my best friend is pregnant, she is my absolute best friend in the world and I am so so so happy for her and her husband but for some reason this is making me more angry and depressed than the hundreds of pregnancy announcements we have heard since starting out TTC journey over 5 years ago.
Don't get me wrong, I love my friend and the fact she is preggers and so stoked about it makes me happy. The fact that she is due the same week we would have been had our embie stuck breaks me heart though, and she is the one person I can usually be 100% honest with, but now I find myself holding back and almost avoiding her sometimes as she is just starting to show and I havn't figured out how to deal with her as a pregnant woman. That sounds awful but I don't know how else to put it.
Woe is me and blah blah blah.. maybe its just this cold weather getting me down but I am finding it hard to stay on top of my game recently.
What brought all this on? For starters my best friend is pregnant, she is my absolute best friend in the world and I am so so so happy for her and her husband but for some reason this is making me more angry and depressed than the hundreds of pregnancy announcements we have heard since starting out TTC journey over 5 years ago.
Don't get me wrong, I love my friend and the fact she is preggers and so stoked about it makes me happy. The fact that she is due the same week we would have been had our embie stuck breaks me heart though, and she is the one person I can usually be 100% honest with, but now I find myself holding back and almost avoiding her sometimes as she is just starting to show and I havn't figured out how to deal with her as a pregnant woman. That sounds awful but I don't know how else to put it.
Woe is me and blah blah blah.. maybe its just this cold weather getting me down but I am finding it hard to stay on top of my game recently.
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