Wednesday, September 29, 2010

What have you done?

When TTC you try to fill your time with things to keep yourself occupied and sane. Here's my list

I completely changed careers. I went from managing bars and night clubs to studying full time towards my bachelor of health and science with the plan to cut down to part time or take a break and come back to it when we got preggers (HA!) of course it's safe to say I completed my degree full time to become an RN and specialized in Emergency and Trauma nursing. I am now a few weeks off finishing my Post Graduate certificate and moving on to my post grad diploma.

I planned our wedding and we tied the knot in December of 2008.

Had major knee surgery which put me on my back for over 3 weeks and in a wheelchair for 8, I wasnt able to return to work for 14 weeks and even then it was on light duties.

Went on an amazing weeks holiday in Rarotonga this April which was just what I needed!!

I have watched a huge number of my friends have babies all around me, one of them has had 3 since I started TTC!!!

We have spent the last year and a half planning our house build and it is now full speed ahead, our new house already has walls! lol lots of things to plan and do to keep myself occupied with that one.

Thats just a small amount of the bits and bobs we've been doing.

So my question for those of you who are also riding this infertility wave, what have you done to keep yourself going?

Aunty Wino

Isn't it funny how the thing we want most in life.. those adorable little miracles, when not ours, can ruin our lives?
Ok so 'ruining our lives' is a little melodramatic, but they sure do add a bit of pressure. Take for example this coming Labour weekend... we're going camping. Camping is our absolute favourite thing in the world to do and why not? it's relaxing, fun, you have all the benefits of the great outdoors along side any luxury items you might want to drag along with you. For me its my wine glasses... now the mr doesn't think I need two different types of wine glasses for camping but I say to hell with it, I enjoy drinking wine out of the glass it is meant to be drunk.

Anyway, I digress.. This Labour weekend we are going camping with a few friends, remember my post 'operation new baby'? yeah... them. Also coming along will be my friends partners kids, one is 5 and the other is 2 and my friends sister and her husband who have a one year old. So you can see where the 'ruining of lives' comes into play.

Now don't get me wrong, I love this baby to pieces, surrogate 'aunty' right here. I just don't know how I am going to cope for 4 days of basically living with him, and the hundred and one other kids that will be there.

Also this will be my last weekend for indulging any form of alcohol and caffeine as we have made October our cut off date for these.

Something tells me I am going to turn into that aunty who sits in the corner and is always drunk and reeking of stale wine.

Monday, September 13, 2010

The big positive

An old friend of mine has just announced on facebook that she is pregnant... very very early pregnant, think still has 5 weeks until the end of the 1st trimester. She's not the 1st I've noticed doing this lately. This got me to thinking, do people really announce these things so early?! or is my cynical infertile brain and uterus just so badly messed up from this, for want of a better word, "journey" that the thought of not having a gazillion blood tests and doctors visits to confirm before announcing it terrifies the crap out of me?

Fertile Positive: test once, positive, tell everyone.

Infertile Positive: Two week wait, pessaries (ick), check toilet paper obsessively, tune body in for pregnancy symptoms, get every pseudo symptom known to man, pee on multiple pregnancy tests, take basal temp daily, blood test, positive! hold breath and dont get hopes up, disbelief, anxiety, more blood tests, nerves, fear,sleepless nights, tell nobody.. spend the next 3 months waiting for it all to get taken away again.

The cold hard facts

Approximately 10-15% of couples suffer from infertility. Multiple studies have shown that women undergoing IVF treatment experience high levels of stress, depression, and anxiety. To add to that lovely tidbit, studies show that there is a strong correlation between depressive symptoms and retrieved oocytes, the higher the depression score the less the oocytes. Awesome right?

So, get depressed as a result of infertility and the circus involved in IVF and you will end up with less embryos?!? fan bloody tastic.

But wait there's more, women with higher depression rates and anxiety have much lower pregnancy rates in general. Oh and then there's the study that shows that women who cope poorly with stress during fertility treatment have a much higher rate of miscarriage during their 1st trimester.  Wowsa

Lets not forget the data that shows women who are successful with their fertility treatment are much much more likely to suffer from postnatal depressive syndrome, and something that has been reported to me from fellow infertility sufferers is that during their pregnancies women who have had to rely on fertility treatment to become pregnant often feel guilty when they are feeling unwell and wanting to complain during pregnancy and also feel like they can never complain when going through the many sleepless nights associated with a newborn.

So basically we're screwed.. it really doesnt matter which way you look at it.