There was an error in this gadget

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The new four letter word, the WAIT!!

Worth the wait... well of course if successful a cycle of IVF is worth the wait, but try thinking along those lines when you're the one waiting! We still have over 5 months to go before we are due for our egg pick up, now most people in our family and friends have said numerous time, the time will fly by! It will be your turn in no time at all! 

Yeah?

Bollocks

Those who have been or are in this situation know that every painstaking second that passes is felt. Every TV ad for baby gear, every pregnancy announcement and birth just hit it home even harder. While discussing this with our very good friend who couldn't quite understand why a friends recent baby news had rocked me as much as it did, I used the metaphor that, when you buy yourself a new car suddenly you see the same model everywhere! Well when waiting for your turn to attempt to have a baby suddenly you are completely surrounded by it. I cant even watch my favourite TV shows without having babies and pregnancy forced down my throat. 

So time will fly by? I dont think so, most days it feels like walking in mud while blindfolded and listening to crazy frog on my ipod.. slow, painful and ridiculously frustrating!!

dear god, and I havnt even got anywhere near the 2 week wait yet! *cringe*



Saturday, August 14, 2010

Operation; New Baby

The other day a friend of mine had her baby and she asked for me to come up and visit.. now bear in mind I only agreed because she is literally my oldest friend, we have known each other pretty much since we were born.

For most people going to visit a new baby is an exciting, small part of their day but for us it was like a military operation.

1st off I spent the entire day stressing out about it, how am I going to handle it? what if I cry? I hope they don't want me to hold him!! and then I moved on to making excuses why I couldn't make it, I had them all prepared on my phone to text, just couldn't push the button.
So after an entire day of backwards and forwards with this stuff I made a decision to go. That seriously took up almost all day. Never mind the millions of other things I had to do, I was busy being neurotic.

The next step in this finely tuned operation was Hubby finishing work early and coming to pick me up... you didn't think I was going to attempt such a mission solo did you? Oh no way, I tried that last year and it didn't end well. He held my hand all the way across the car park and into the lift, I think this was more so I didn't turn around and go home but hey, support is support right? Luckily for me he didn't let go of me while we were in the room either. I might have jumped out the window.

Imagine the one thing you want more than anything.. so bad it hurts just to think about it.. and then put yourself in a room full of them, and full of people gushing over them and how amazing they are. Right. Got it? Now you try and not jump out the window.

Anyway, after a little while of hearing all about everything the proud new dad really really wanted us to hold his new little man. Don't get me wrong, they deserve to be proud he is absolutely gorgeous. However they may not get him back if they let me hold him. So thank heaven for hubby who made some excuse already agreed upon by us in the car on the way, we managed to get out of holding the new bundle of joy and were on our way back across the carpark to go home.

Yes, I spent all day preparing for a 15minute visit.

When we got home we were like a well oiled machine, I went and got into the shower (its where I like to do my crying ok, don't you judge me) and my wonderful husband started cooking dinner. Then we sat down and watched some mindless television before I went to bed to get absolutely no sleep.

Mission accomplished!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Relax and it will happen

5 words that anyone who is struggling to conceive loathes hearing! Now I'm not usually a violent person but the mere mention of this phrase and I want to start inflicting pain. 
Other cringeworthy comments on the ever growing list are;

If you adopt you'll get pregnant!

If you stop thinking about it you'll get pregnant!

If you stop trying you'll get pregnant!

Move house and you'll get pregnant!

And my latest personal favourite which was said to me just the other day; “you’ll get pregnant right when you don’t want to!” because after nearly 5 years of trying there is totally going to be a time where we don’t want to pregnant?!?!? Morons, they’re everywhere.

Ok ok that sounds cynical, and after so long on this path it’s natural to build up this kind of attitude but I must also point out that the majority of the people saying these silly things are saying them with the best intentions. To be honest what do you say to someone who is struggling to get pregnant?

Personally I would go with sincerity, “shit that sux” is always acceptable in my book.. 

Post number ONE!!

Everybody has a mountain to climb at some stage in their life.. apparently where I am going there is a whole range of them in the way. This blog will predominantly focus on our seemingly endless journey through the haze of infertility, probably with a few other bits and pieces thrown into the mix.

Our story; My wonderful hubby and I have been trying to conceive for over 4 ½ gruelling heart breaking years. We have had no luck other than ectopic pregnancies and miscarriages and since the last ectopic in early 2007 not a glimmer. At the moment we are on the national IVF list due for EPU (egg pick up) in Feb 2011, a list we have been on already for over a year. As time gets closer emotions run higher and due to the private and emotional nature of the beast there isn’t a huge amount of places to vent... so! My husband in all his wonderfulness and intelligence (i’ll probably deny those facts later) suggested I start a blog, even if no one reads it, just to put pen to paper so to speak and get it out there.

There are things that will probably be written on here that I don’t speak to even my closest friends about, so if you’re game enough to read it, then i’m game enough to write it.