Monday, September 5, 2011

Pregnancy announcement land mines

At the risk of swimming against the tide in the IF river, I have a few different opinions on pregnancy announcements etc. Now don't get me wrong, I totally understand the anger felt by some when a friend announces that they are expecting, but I don't feel it. I feel sadness, and jealousy. These feelings are entirely selfish and introspective, I don't get fuming when a friend announces their pregnancy via a scan photo on facebook. In fact I believe that they should be allowed to announce it however they want, after all isn't it also allowed to be the happiest time of their lives too? I love that my best friend is pregnant, it kills me inside just looking at her, makes part of me die every time, but I AM happy for her, and I do want to be there for her every step of the way, I am not angry that she is up the duff and I''m not. I am sad that it is not me, but I would never want to take it away from her to have it myself. I am not implying that all infertiles would, I am just saying that sometimes we get so wrapped up in out own crap that we stop looking at things constructively.

Us "infertiles" are sometimes labelled (often ourselves) as some of the most bitter people out. I don't know about everyone else but I don't like to wear that on my sleeve. I want to be happy for my friend who has recently had her 5th child, I want to support the friend who just found out she is pregnant and about to become a single mother. At the risk of being drawn and quartered by some IF'ers I also want to be there for my friend who decided that abortion is the best/only option for her. Yes, it makes me sad, and yes, I cry myself to sleep some nights when I go through these things, BUT I am not going to push my friends away because they are having what I can't, regardless of whether they want it or not.

I work in the medical field, I see abused and neglected children all the time, kids being lost in the system and kids that have no future. I wish that more would utilize the adoption process but the fact is you can't force people to do things they don't want to do. The Whangai process here in NZ also reduces the adoption chances with Maori mums being able to give their children to a family member to raise as their own without the extensive legal issues that go along with adoption. Here is some info if you want to read more about whangai.

One thing that I am not happy to sit back and pretend isn't happening is this latest facebook chain game where women are posting fake pregnancy announcements all in the name of 'breast cancer awareness' WTF?!?! Yeah, I won't go into all the details on why and how they do this but they end up looking like "I am 12 weeks and craving peanut butter" etc. They are pathetic and I have put up a fb status telling the world exactly how I feel about it all. I am also not going to go into details about the ins and outs of cancer treatment and resulting infertility, there have been some brilliant blog posts on this topic already. All I will say is that the whole thing reeks of insensitivity, stupidity, and mob mentality. I can only hope that the rest of my friends are smart enough to figure out that it's extremely lame and in bad taste.

This blog post feels a little heavy, I do try to keep things light but lets face it, nothing about this topic is light, it could be the fact that tomorrow I start Buserelin jabs all over again and am in the dumps about the horrid side effects I'm about to be exposed to. 

Whatever way you look at it we are all in this experience together and yet we all feel it, deal with it, and live through it in different ways. I am 100% in support of you all no matter how you cope with it, and if you want to throw darts at a photo of a preggers mate till you feel better, I will totally sit there and sharpen them for you.


  1. I hate pregnant women until I get to be one. ;)

  2. lol Lyndsey, fair enough. just imagine their discomfort as their ankles swell ;)

  3. Lexi this is a really great post. I felt pretty much the same as you- sad and upset at every pregnancy announcement, but never so bitter that I was actually angry at the person...and I also knew that unless I told a person that we were struggling with IF-then there were bound to be a few insensitive comments. DH told me one day that I needed to stop focusing on everyone else's journeys into parenthood and concentrate on our own-I tried to remember that-as hard as it was sometimes!
    I haven't seen this facebook thing yet but it sounds ridiculous!?
    Best of luck on this cycle-I'll be following you and sending all the best vibes your way! xo