This time last cycle I was 100% dedicated to the no caffeine, booze, healthy eating, multivitamin regime that happens in the lead up to IVF. Back then it was exciting to be doing something, exciting that it was nearly time to start injections and get everything started. This time round I not only lack motivation, and enthusiasm. But I also seem to be lacking the ability to give a fuck. Yeah I know, crass and unladylike, but thats just how I am feeling at the moment. Of course I am still not drinking caffeine or booze, I haven't been overly reliable with the multivits though.... ooops, my bad.
To be honest, I don't want to do it again. I don't want the blinding headaches from the buserelin. Nor do I want the pain that comes later with the Gonal F or the sheer torture of the egg collection blood test days and the 2ww. I will do it again, but I really don't want to.
There is another reason for me not wanting to do this next cycle of IVF, If the same thing happens that did in the last cycle (great egg and embryo numbers just for them all to die off) then we have to face facts that its probably my eggs and go down the egg donor route. This terrifies me more than all the drug side effects in the world and is not something I am ready to face up to in a hurry.
So that is where my head is at right now, not the funnest place in the world to be.. I advise Disneyland over this place any day!