There was an error in this gadget

Monday, June 6, 2011

Just not feeling it

This time last cycle I was 100% dedicated to the no caffeine, booze, healthy eating, multivitamin regime that happens in the lead up to IVF. Back then it was exciting to be doing something, exciting that it was nearly time to start injections and get everything started. This time round I not only lack motivation, and enthusiasm. But I also seem to be lacking the ability to give a fuck. Yeah I know, crass and unladylike, but thats just how I am feeling at the moment. Of course I am still not drinking caffeine or booze, I haven't been overly reliable with the multivits though.... ooops, my bad.

To be honest, I don't want to do it again. I don't want the blinding headaches from the buserelin. Nor do I want the pain that comes later with the Gonal F or the sheer torture of the egg collection blood test days and the 2ww. I will do it again, but I really don't want to.

There is another reason for me not wanting to do this next cycle of IVF, If the same thing happens that did in the last cycle (great egg and embryo numbers just for them all to die off) then we have to face facts that its probably my eggs and go down the egg donor route. This terrifies me more than all the drug side effects in the world and is not something I am ready to face up to in a hurry.

So that is where my head is at right now, not the funnest place in the world to be.. I advise Disneyland over this place any day!

3 comments:

  1. Well, I was the same by that 3rd cycle and was drinking coffee, got completely drunk on bubbly a few days before my cycle started and that was the cycle I got pregnant! Good luck this time Lexa!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey Lexa, I was actually quite blase with my FET too-just couldn't be bothered with it all (even though it wasn't second round of IVF...it was second go at FET as first got cancelled, so had to start meds all over again-and was just over it by that point!)and like Haidee , it still worked, so maybe it's not such a bad thing to be a little casual about it!
    Really really hoping this round is successful for you hun xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  3. Maybe "just relaxing" will be just the right thing. :) It's hard to keep the hope, I know. Cheering for you.

    ReplyDelete