So yesterday was a bad bad day, I can't comment on today yet as even though it is early evening I actually haven't been out of bed for very long thanks to the longest night shift of my life last night! I was so happy to finally get home this morning, although I am still feeling emotionally on edge, I can feel the need to burst out crying just hiding on the edge of every thought. Not a nice feeling.
I spent the entire night shift just wanting to die, it was horrid. I was so emotionally washed out it was ridiculous, most everyone could tell I wasn't right because they all left me alone, which is saying something for a night shift, people tend to start losing the plot a little around 4.30 and are willing to talk garble to anyone near them. Also, I punished the gym equipment yesterday, it made me feel a tiny bit better but not much. At about 2am at work this morning I started paying for that little outing and now I can't lift my arms above shoulder height and muscles I didn't know I had are yelling at me.... loudly.
So all in all, blah. I am still feeling crappy about everything at the moment. I just want to be pregnant so bad its physically painful. BUT.. I am also ready to move forward... I think? I have spent the last 2 weeks breaking out in sweats whenever I think of doing this next cycle. The thought of the buserelin headaches and -oh my good god- Egg Collection, has literally been bringing me to tears.
Moving forward will surely be better than living in this turmoil? I hope so anyway.