Starting again

So this week I am kicking of the no caffeine, alcohol, crappy food.... pretty much all the things I rely on to get through the day. Last time The Mr. also gave up the booze but that was it. This time around, due to the not so great head space I am in about this cycle, he is also going to give up the caffeine. There is something about knowing you are not suffering alone that makes a girl feel a little better.

Last time around there was a feeling of almost excitement at this stage because we were finally doing something other than waiting. This time it just ups my anxiety about the whole thing. How do I get excited about going through one of the worst, most painful and disappointing experiences of my life all over again?

Well its not hard to see that I'm not in the most positive of moods at the moment lol

ARGHHHHH

True to form with my life at the moment I have been unable to post anything on my blog for the last week, for some reason it just has not been working for me. Urghh, typical lol

I am in a storm of pregnancy announcements at the moment, surrounded by baby showers at work and a ridiculous amount of pregnant patients as well. I have an associate who is pregnant and skiting about how much booze she can still keep down (I did not deal with that one very well, but screw it.. we should be allowed to use colourful language every now and then) so, as you can see its a pretty shit time around here.. how am I dealing with it? easy,

I'm throwing a massive party.

Not your traditional IVF/IF coping strategy granted, but its giving me something fun to do and look forward to and its also a good way of saying thanks to those close to us who have been there for us through all this crap. The theme of said party? lol I am throwing a tea party, I am embracing the very weak grasp I have on my sanity and channeling my inner Mad Hatter. I love a good dress up party. So that is what I am doing with my time at the moment. To be honest it feels good to channel my attention onto something fun and different.

So thats what I am doing with my time at the moment, I am trying not to bring too much work stuff 'home' with me and just letting go of the small stuff...

 I'll let you know how we get on with that

Everyone but me

Trying not to be bitter recently but I am finding it very hard, surrounded by pregnancy at every turn.. surrounded by babies and doting parents. urghh my stomach is turning just thinking about it.

What brought all this on? For starters my best friend is pregnant, she is my absolute best friend in the world and I am so so so happy for her and her husband but for some reason this is making me more angry and depressed than the hundreds of pregnancy announcements we have heard since starting out TTC journey over 5 years ago.

Don't get me wrong, I love my friend and the fact she is preggers and so stoked about it makes me happy. The fact that she is due the same week we would have been had our embie stuck breaks me heart though, and she is the one person I can usually be 100% honest with, but now I find myself holding back and almost avoiding her sometimes as she is just starting to show and I havn't figured out how to deal with her as a pregnant woman. That sounds awful but I don't know how else to put it.

Woe is me and blah blah blah.. maybe its just this cold weather getting me down but I am finding it hard to stay on top of my game recently.