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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The tornado that is my life.

Apologies for lack in updates, my world has been a whirlwind of action lately!

Tomorrow is moving day into our brand spanking new house, this has been both exciting and stressful! I hate packing and I hate it even more in 34 degree heat. So we have been at action stations getting everything done over the last couple of weeks.

On the IVF front it has been a whole other kind of whirlwind... Had our appointment on the 17th to pick up drugs and sign consent forms etc etc and our FS had forgotten the meds, and his computer wasn't working at all (he was going to go over our blood and scan results with us in detail to go over the change in protocol etc) so it was a complete waste of time. He made a joke (YES A FUCKING JOKE) about how I might want to look into my younger sister as an egg donor, Ummm I have 7 brothers.... ain't none of them got any eggs. So as this was the 1st mention of the increased possibility of me needing egg donors I was instantly put into a state of shock. I know it shouldn't have alarmed me so much as I had done some reading on elevated FSH and low AMH etc but the way it was tackled just threw me on the defensive and upset me no end. The appointment lasted all of 10 minutes and then I had to go to work, where while on the floor dealing with sick patients the reality of it all set in and I had my 1st post appt freak out (yes there have been more than one).

So I finally got my drugs on Monday and thats very cool, makes me feel like I am getting somewhere but I have this awful feeling. In the medical field there is a specific time where a person has, quite literally, an impending feeling of doom. Often this precedes a massive MI, or heart attack. Sounds bizarre but its true, there are a few other things too but I don't need to cover that lot. Anyway, what was I talking about? oh yeah, my own little feeling of doom... Up until these blood results our perceived fertility problems were related to my tubal scarring and inability to get said egg to the right spot. But now, oh now we have a whole new world of problems! So I have gone from having nothing but positive thoughts about how IVF was going to work, to an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that just won't go away. I try not to be all doom and gloom but it's stopping me from sleeping now and I can barely concentrate at work and I know this is all normal crazy IVF stuff but I am really struggling to deal with it at the moment.

On a brighter note, the Mr has just booked tickets to Malaysia to watch the F1 in April. So I am either going to KL preggers or its something to look forward to if the cycle doesn't work.

2 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh Lexi, that sound like a very bad joke to me!Why did your specialist even mention an egg donor?When this is only your first round of IVF?
    I have a high FSH too which the specialist kept going on and on about, and ended up getting way too many eggs anyway so try not to stress about it too much hun until you start and can see how your body reacts.
    I'm sorry you're having a hard time with the 'doom' feelings too,It's hard not to think of worst case scenario, and I find myself doing it now too.I really hope that once you actually start you'll feel a little better, and that your cycle goes really smoothly.
    Best of luck girl!
    xx (janeygiraffe)

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  2. Oh no Lexi, please banish those negative thoughts and feeling of doom! I know how hard it is to remain positive but hopefully you will start to feel a bit happier soon. Plus you are under so much stress with the move! I hope you have a great Christmas babe and I will be rooting for you this cycle from the sidelines. xox

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