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Monday, October 11, 2010

Bipolar much?

The worst thing for me about this whole "infertility" thing is the emotional ups and downs involved. One day you're fine, things are ticking along and you're coping pretty darn well with everything, and then the next; BANG! you're an emotional wreck.. and for no good reason!

The last two days I have been getting increasingly upset over one particular point.. and its absolutely nothing I can change and something we have been dealing with for a while. But all of a sudden its really really pissing me off. 

When we first starting TTC (like a million years ago) it was all about us, together, making something special and amazing and it was the best feeling in the world just making the decision to do it. But now, its clinical, out of our hands, and my husbands theory is out of our minds (insert tui ad here) until our time has come. When we talk about having a baby now its all if's and maybe's, medications and clinic appointments, fear and doubt. Thats when we talk about it, which isnt all that much at the moment cos the Mr. is busy building our benchtop and kitchen for the new house. Gone are the romantic feelings of how our pregnancy will go, and plans for when the baby comes. 

So yes, I realise that this is par for the course and I am not the only one going through it, but believe it or not... that doesnt make me fell any better. What can I do about it? Sweet bugger all. 

The other thing thats got me spinning is the fact that our cycle is getting closer and closer. To say that I am scared is an understatement, I am excited, nervous, terrified, itching to get started and scared to even think about it! 

My brain hurts.


2 comments:

  1. Hey Lexa I know exactly what you mean...sometimes the thing that bothers me the most in all of this is that the 'magic' has gone, I was one of those daydreamers about how special it was all going to be and what a great suprise for our families when we announced our pregnancy and now it is so clinical and rigid and everyone knows we are having ICSI and it pisses me off something terrible somedays. And I hear you on the excited/nervous.crazy feelings of having your cycle come up quickly! Janeygiraffe :)

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  2. I know right! there will be no surprising of soon to be grandparents or anything cos they all know whats happening. just another little thing to be peeved about really isnt it.

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